Catching Up

"Man, you sure fucked up that omlette..."
"What omlette? I was totally making scrambled eggs."
<.<
>.>
Not a word.

First off, sorry for that god-awful introduction. I commend whoever was actually able to get though, and thoroughly excuse anybody who couldn't.

This is the end of the first week, of the second 3-week deployment. A bunch of crap happened on the time I was out here, but I don't feel like writing it all down, and I doubt anyone would feel like reading it. If something comes up that requires more background info I'll go into it, but for now we'll just stick this last week.

Monday
As everyone was getting set-up for work, the project developer showed up to give my crew a pep-talk, and inform us of some changes made to the job. In the past, this guy (we'll call him John for the sake of this journal) has shown himself to be nothing but a spineless pancake with little interest for this project, or the employees executing it. In fact, I have only even seen this guy one other time, and during that experience, all he did was act aloof, cause us to do extra work (which is not in the contract, and which we are not payed for), and give us these pathetic plastic carts (which we returned to the store that night). As you can imagine, we were not terribly thrilled with his presence.

Anyways, John gathers everyone together, and tells us that he has finally finished the paperwork that will allow us to work on Fridays. This is something that was supposed to have been done over a month ago, but it was welcome news none-the-less. Working Fridays means more overtime, which means more moolah at the end of the week. Besides, being out of town for work, I may as well spend my time, well, working. So yeah, this was exciting to hear.

He then goes on to tell us of a new incentive that has been created: "For every week you guys finish this project ahead of time, I'll give you a, like, $100 bonus." Upon first hearing this, I was naturally pleased. 100 extra dollars? Sure! After a moment of consideration, though, things began to fall apart.

First of all, this project is hopelessly behind schedule. When putting this project together, John grossly overestimated the speed that my crew and I would be able to work at. On our absolute best night, we were still only able to put in roughly 75% the number of lamps that we were expected to be able to average per night. Knowing this, it's pretty easy to see that this bonus is not only an unrealistic goal, but also a desperate attempt to try and hurry the project along.

Second of all, John actually used the word 'like' when describing the amount of money we would be awarded. "Like"? Really? You don't say like when you're providing important, solid information. When reading the directions for a medication, does the label tell you to take "Kinda, like 4 pills, or something"? No. "Like $100" could be anything $80 to $120, or more likely, nothing at all. When someone tells me they'll "kinda like" pay me some money to do something, I interpret that as,  "You ain't gettin' shit".

So yeah, John once again left the crew feeling pretty negative. Moral was not improved when everyone was only able to put in a mediocre number of lamps. Well, everyone but me- my numbers were pretty ok (446 limes) Overall though, Monday made for a somewhat glum start for the second deployment.

Tuesday
...proved to be pretty bland. Everyone was feeling the system shock from switching back to a nocturnal schedule, and it showed in the numbers- only 329 for me. D: As it turns out, zombies don't make for the best relamping crew. Who knew?

The only item of interest on Tuesday was one of the labs I did. In this lab there were two things, the first being highly radioactive material. I'm talking about, stored-behind-a-foot-thick-metal-door kinda material. The stuff that is so radioactive, that the areas that you work with the stuff have big, warning-plastered covers over them.

The second thing stored in this lab were mouse cages. Lots and lots of mouse cages. There were no mice to be seen, but the cages had obviously been recently lived in. I have no way of knowing for sure, but I can't help but wonder if the mice had been transferred behind the big metal door. In any case, if the world ends due to a devastating plague of radioactive super-mice (or whatever rodent they are working on), you know where they came from. Fuckin' umbrella corp... When will they learn?


Wednesday
...was in a word, interesting. My stupid levels were absolutely off the charts this day, and almost got me in trouble a few times. Highlights include knocking over a large jug who's only label was the biohazard symbol, and finding myself stuck in the middle of a large, caustic-chemical-strewn lab with all of the lights off (Stupid timer switches). Thankfully, my stupidity seemed to also be accompanied by some degree of luck. The big bottle of killsyou had a well-fitting lid, and when the lights died in the chemical-minefield-of-a-lab, I happen to have my cap light equipped. Had I been less lucky, who knows what would have happened.

With this amount of idiocy apparently coursing through my veins, you might expect that my Wednesday numbers were especially shitty. Well, that wasn't quite the case. Not only did I shatter my previous record of 515, but I actually lead the team with a whopping 605! Whargarble! That's a lot of limes!

I'm still not entirely sure how the hell I managed to pull that off. All I know is that as the night was drawing to a close, I realized that I had installed over 525 lamps. Upon noticing this, I kinda kicked into overdrive mode. Those last ~75 lamps practically flew out of my hands, and into the fixtures. Listening to shit like this and this probably helped bring me into that furious, lamp-installing automaton state. I burned through all of my lamps at an alarming rate, and actually ended up needing to take some from one of my coworkers.

Either way, I ended the night feeling both content, and a bit hazy. I doubt I'll top the teams numbers again, but damn, it sure felt good. The moral of the story is this: "Try and maintain an average stupid-rate of no more than 2.5 dph (Derps per hour), unless you're installing lamps in a hazardous environment- apparently that shit speeds you up, there."

Thursday
...was a day of recovery, more than anything else. After burning at 110% the previous night, most of my lamp-changing muscles were pretty sore- especially my hands. It may not seem like it would be, but relamping is a beast of a workout on your grip. With a couple of the fixtures, I'll hold 2, 4' bulbs in my hands, as I use my fingertips to screw in a third. That shit will wear you out when you do it, like, 150 times.

Between being tired, getting stuck with some lame room assignment, and the entire crew kinda slacking off for the last hour of work, I was only able to install a meager 350 lamps. Not the end of the world, but certainly nothing to be particularly proud of.

The only thing of note that happened on Thursday was the revelation that John is in fact, a jackass. About 3/4 of the way through the night, my crew and I were informed that we would not be able to work on Fridays. When I asked why, I was told it was because someone failed to submit the required paperwork. John, I am disappoint.

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With that, you guys are more-or-less caught up with this deployment, thus far. On a normal post, this is the point at which I would either talk something unrelated to work. Some aspect of my personality, my opinion on something, etc. Since this post is already really long, though, I'll just hold off on starting that crap until tomorrow. Until then, this is you favorite, slightly narcissistic, rather tired otterfox saying, good morning, good afternoon, and good night.